first home server build, where do i even start

buy a small UPS early. a home server that loses power mid write is how people corrupt their first array, and it's cheap compared to the drives. and add one thing at a time. get backups working and tested before media or anything else. for getting at it from outside, tailscale is far easier and safer than opening ports on the router.

start with what it's for, that decides everything. file storage and backups? media server? running a few containers? all three? for most first builds an old desktop or a second hand mini pc is plenty. it runs 24/7, so idle power draw matters more than raw speed, and that's where mini pcs and recent intel chips win. put the money into drives instead. software wise: TrueNAS if it's mainly storage, Unraid if you want to mix drive sizes and click things together, Proxmox if you want to run VMs, or just Ubuntu Server with Docker if you like the command line. and remember RAID isn't a backup. keep a copy of anything important somewhere else.